I am slowly losing my life to depression again. I can feel the iron cages closing around me, where only I can look out but nobody can come it; unknown forces jab at me through gaping holes and destroy my life. I am starting to see me as total shit in comparison to other people, like “Oh he is so much better than me, looks and everything,” and “I suck at soccer and life compared to him.” Last time I went through this phase I had one hand grasping mine trying to pull me out. But that only made things worse (long story). I pulled myself out of it back then (Actually that was like 4 months ago). But now I have slipped and fell back into the deeply deaths of depression.
Switching high schools has really made me quite lonely and sad. I just walk around looking at everyone interacting and I am like derp. I wish I could make friends but I am to shy. Oh well. AP Chem is a bitch and English three is likely to chop my head of. Cheers to school. Sigh. Cheers to depression here I come. Transferring schools sucks.
And I have been so busy I haven’t been able to get on tumblr much. Sigh.
Last night was such an amazing night
But today was such a depressing day
I don’t get it =(
Happy birthday to me!
My depression was an absentee!
I hope you will see
That nothing will bring me down easily!
I swear there is no more I think everybody hates me. Everybody does hate me.
Just want to go kill myself.
Horse shit, this is right. -_-
At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.
Enough is enough. Nothing seems to be working out as you would like it to and it has got to the stage where you feel as if you can’t be bothered anymore. The way you feel is that it would be great if you could be cut off from everything and take it easy - be it only for a short time.
You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.
You are experiencing more than your fair share of stress following an acute disappointment. This may be the result of subconscious conflict between hope and necessity. The tension that you are experiencing following your unfulfilled hopes have given rise to anxious uncertainty. You have no doubt that things could get better in the future and so you refuse to make the necessary essential decisions. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decisions, you are likely to vacillate and concern yourself with trivialities of little consequence.
You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself… all is possible to him who believes.
I can already tell that 2012 is going to be another long, shitty, year. Happy 2012